19 Months

We had Claire's 18 (ish) month appointment last night. 18/19 month stats Weight: 22.12 pounds 25% Length: 30 1/4 inches 50% Head: 49 cm 90% (down from the 95%-YEAH!) Dr. Quinn was pleased with everything and that makes for very happy and proud parents. LOVE this video...it shows her personality to a T - sorry about the sideways view!!!!

Dear Santa, for Christmas this year, I want...

36 days
9 hours and
52 minutes until Christmas.

I'm kind of stumped on what to get Claire for Christmas this year. Christmas is a HUGE deal in our family, and Santa always goes completely overboard with presents.

So far I've gotten her a play tent (she loves these things) a Water Baby (do you gals remember these!?!?!?)that she can bring in the bathtub with her, a musical instrument set with a drum, tambourine, and maracas, and I'm on the search for an upholstered arm chair for her. I've gotten her some new books and some new jammies, but other than that, I'm lost!!!

What are you getting your little ones that are around Claire's age for Christmas?? I need some ideas...

because this little girl has been VERY good this year!

Life

Life happens. You blink your eyes and a second has passed. Just like that. Blink and it's gone. You've missed one second of your life in one single blink. And to some, a second is just that. A second. Not to me.

Chaos. My life is so far beyond my control right now, my head is spinning. I love control. I thrive on it. And my life is just a mess.

Cancer. I hate you. My dad's oncologist called Friday with the news any cancer family dreads, "your numbers are up." I am numb. I cannot cry any more tears. What's the point?

Layoffs. Ryan's been laid off for months. We're so accustomed to a two income lifestyle. Unemployment is a joke. It doesn't even cover our mortgage. Ryan's health insurance runs out in February and we need the dual insurance's for Claire. Her splints are so expensive and with only my insurance, we pay $500 per pair out of pocket.

In-laws. Where do I begin. They live 10 minutes away and his mother hasn't seen Claire since August. His dad hasn't seen her for 11 months...since last Christmas. The hurt and pain is so deep there that I can't begin to describe the feelings that I have for those people. Do you know that his mother called 2 days after Halloween and didn't even ASK what Claire was...didn't even ask...And the fact that my husband won't grow a backbone and stick up for me just makes me literally sick to my stomach.

Holidays. I dread them. I dread the awkwardness that comes with seeing his family. I wish it were different. I am dreading Christmas Eve already...

I'm just in a funk. I can't seem to snap out of it. Life is tough. It's been a tough year and a half for me. I hate to complain, because I have to much to be thankful for, but please God, give me a break. I need a break. Physically and mentally, I need a break. I just can't be the rock that I have been this past year and half.

So, as I sit here at 12:03 am and google cancer numbers and the economy and dealing with the holidays when you can't stand your in-laws, I wonder why am I putting this out there for the world to read. Because it feels good. It feels so f*cking good to get it off my chest, off my mind, and not actually have to SAY it. Because that would be admitting defeat, and I am too strong to be defeated.

Maybe sleep will come tonight...

A wonderful, amazing, wish-they-were-all-like-this, kind of day

Sunday.

I heart Sundays. Sleeping in, waking up to babies, err toddlers, in your bed, cartoons, breakfast, playing, no rushing. I love them.

Lately they have been trying. The whines and the tears and tantrums have gotten the best of this little angel that lives in – runs – our house. And by Sunday evening I am usually counting the hours until I GET to go back to work.

Not this Sunday.

We woke up and played and snuggled in bed. Claire thinks it is absolutely hilarious to crawl to the bottom of the bed under the sheets, sit there and giggle. We think that it’s pretty hilarious too. She takes breaks and crawls up and plops between us and points out our “eyyyye” “noooose” “mooooof” “eaaarrrr” “haaaaair”. And now when Ryan asks where his beard is, she rubs his face and doubles over laughing - I wish I could bottle that laugh so I never forget it…

I pulled myself away from the fun and made some delish French toast with vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg…so very very good! Claire ate a whole piece and dipped each and every bite in the syrup until it was running down her arm. She then shoved her sticky fingers in my mouth so I could lick them…gross, but so sweet.

It was an unseasonably wonderful warm day in STL, so we took full advantage and went to a farm to see the animals. Claire loved it!! As soon as we pulled up she started screaming and talking in a language that only she understands. When we first walked up there was an outside area where she seen the one and only cow grazing in the pasture.

“Look at the cow, Claire…what does the cow say?”

And I’ll be damned if that kid did not say “mooooo.” Clear as day. I work and work and work with her on animal sounds daily and she has never repeated one, except for 'woof' and 'meow'. Maybe she does listen to me but is just a little stubborn...like her mamma? Hmmmmm. We went inside the barn and every time she seen a cow “moooo”. A little genius? I'm thinkin so!

We saw the horses and ponies.


And then the goats, her favorite. She could have stayed there for hours squealing and pointing and putting her cute little hand inside the pens to touch them. It made me want to get her a goat for a pet…again. We decided against it when we seen the amount of poop one of those things puts out…we clean up enough poop already.

Lookin JUST like me in this picture...it's scary!




She had fun running her little heart out from pen to pen. The chickens, the bunnies, the pigs, oh my! She is getting so brave and sure of herself now that she is back in her splints/stabilizers.


She fed and chased the ducks,


And loved to run across the bridges.

And even posed for a photo...


It was just one of those feel good, love your life, know you have the perfect family, wish everyday was this good, kind of days.

These two are my life...

18 month wonders

I am loving 18 months (minus the tantrums, ohhh the tantrums).

Her words at 18 months:
Mama
bad
Dada
bug
Dog
all gone
Duck
outside
Ball
apple
Hot
cracker
This
cup
Please
bubble
Thank you
night night
Bird
uh oh
Boo
truck
Ghost
coff[ee]
Cold
bus
No
Claire
Teeth
up
Car
bow

Eating: Back on track. Still picky-ish, but eating nonetheless. She’s eating chicken, turkey, cheese, mac n cheese, meatballs, hamburgers, bread, crackers, pizza (a new one), yogurt, turkey dogs, raising, apples, pears, strawberries, bananas, sausage, pancakes, waffles. YEAH!! I am no longer pulling my hair out!! I believe it was reflux, within days of being back on her meds, things turned around. I feel so incredibly guilty that I prematurely took her off of the P.revacid. Although she still won't touch anything green or orange, unless it's sugar laden and gummy.



Hugs & Kisses: She gives hugs and kisses without being asked...which literally melts my heart into a puddle of love on the floor. There is nothing better than a kiss followed by the “muah” sound. Nothing. Well, maybe a hug. And these big, bear hugs are also heart melters. Her little hands around your neck, squeezing, and accompanied with the “uhhhh” sound. Makes you realize that you’re doing a darn good job with her.



Personality: Her little personality is shining though like a big, bright star. She loves to “joke” with us. She’ll take her cup and try to drink from it upside down. Or put her shapes from the shape sorter in the wrong spot and say “noooooo” , all the while with the cutest squinty eyed smile. She loves to play with her babies and holds them close to her, rocks back and forth and says “awwwww”. Cute? That is an understatement. She likes to feed baby a bottle, share her binky, and cover the baby with blankets. Such a little mama. Her CD. Loves it. As soon as we get in the car she wants it on. She “sings” and dances and kicks to the beat the whole time. It’s a Little People CD. I never thought I’d be a mom who drives around listening to kids songs. But she loves them; therefore, so do I. She loves her toothbrush and I think I put toothpaste on it at least 10 times every evening. Could be worse, right? Heart melter below...



Tantrums: Oh Lord, please help me get through this stage. I mean, sometimes is seems as if another child has come into her little body and made her so darn naughty. She will throw anything in sight, lay on the floor kicking and crying for minutes (seems like hours) on end. Most of the time because of this little 2 letter word – No. Uh huh, who would have thought that such a small, little word could cause such uproar in our home…



Barney: Need I say more.



Fun: She is so much fun. I am loving this age. She is talking and babbling and singing and dancing and pretend playing and actually letting me snuggle her sometimes (ok, when Barney is on, she sits on my lap and lets me nuzzle on her). I love watching her little eyes taking everything in. She learns things so quickly sometimes, it amazes me.



Climbing: On everything. She had a laundry basket pulled up to the gate at the top of the stairs this morning...ahhhhhh!!!! She is so smart.

I always say "this is my favorite age" but it just keeps getting better and better and better.



I love this baby.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

The Pumpkin Patch Experience

I remember going to the pumpkin patch with our friends and their little boy when I was very first pregnant. I remember the feeling in my stomach, the butterflies and extreme excitement, that next year I will be the one posing my little one in the sea of orange pumpkins for that perfect photo.

Last year was awesome. Claire was the most darling pumpkin in the patch, by far. She was all smiles and laughs and coos.




This year was a different story. She whined and wanted to be held the whole time.

This is the best I could do...






See that outstretched hand? That was accompanied with a whine (note the scrunched up face) that continued until daddy gave in and picked her back up.

I was disappointed to say the least, but Ryan reminded me that Claire had fun, just not the kind of fun that I wanted her to have. There was a petting zoo, and pony rides, a playground, a kid friendly haunted house, and thousands of pumpkins to choose from. And funnel cakes...must I say more??? And Claire wanted nothing to do with any of it. She wanted to be carried around - oh and she wanted to smell the flowers on the way out too - her kind of fun, I guess.

While holding my hand...