And so it continues...

The battle with the insurance company. I still do not have Claire's prescription filled because the insurance company is "still processing" the forms. Uhhhhhh. Thank GOD our wonderful pediatrician's office was able to supply us with a weeks worth of dissolvable tabs that we have to cut up and put in her cheek...not the best, but it works. I am just so fed up with all of this!!! It shouldn't be that hard to obtain a REFILL prescription for a 5 month old, really. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself (and Claire) until I read this blog that showed pictures of children with cancer. I took a step back and counted my blessings. It could be worse...it could be A LOT worse. It's reflux. It's something that Claire will outgrow. It's not life threatening. It's not terminal. It is something she will grow out of. But that doesn't change the fact that she's still my baby, and my responsibility, and it's my job to make sure that she doesn't hurt. So, I will call the insurance company again tomorrow and try to get this ball rolling.

Tomorrow we have our VERY LAST physical therapy appointment to get her feet checked. YEAH!!! She has been out of her splints for a month now, and they just want to make sure that her feet are staying aligned. If we get the all good sign, we can check one more doctor off our list.

Claire snoozing with her "boots" on...

Insurance Companies REALLY suck

I've been dealing with the insurance company for almost 24 hours now. I dropped off a new prescription to be filled for Claire's reflux medicine yesterday after work. They looked at it, said it would be refilled, and told me it would be ready at 7am this morning. I went home, got Claire in bed, pumped, got stuff ready for today, then went to bed myself. 10:30pm the phone rings. It was W@lgreens. The insurance company needs a doctor authorization to ok the refill because the dosage has been changed. They tell me that they will call the insurance company in the morning and call me when the refill is ready. I get a call at 10:30am from W@lgreens that they have been trying to contact my doctor all morning and that the recording states that they will close at noon. I call the doctor over and over and over. Voice mail, voice mail, voice mail. I called the pharmacy ask them if I can call the insurance company and they told me it was worth a try. I call, sit on hold for 30 minutes, and the guy comes back on the phone and tells me that they have had a "Change of Doses Override" and that my pharmacy needs to call them back and they will ok the script. Great. I call W@lgreens, have them call insurance, get refill...not so much. This is where the INSURANCE COMPANY SUCKS REALLY comes into play.

The pharmacy calls me back and said that the ins. company has no record of my phone call and that they will NOT ok the dosage increase without authorization. Now it's after noon and the GI doctor is out until Monday. Great. F-in great. So I have to do something...I'm her mom and she has to have this medicine. I have my baby back that I don't have to hold down and force feed. I can't go back. She can't miss one single dose of this medicine. So, I have a call into her pediatrician to see if they will call in a new script with the upped dosage. What a royal pain in the ass. I mean, it's not like I'm asking for morphine, I'm asking for a friggin reflux suspension medicine for a 5 month old who hurts if she doesn't have it!!! And when you talk to the people there, it's like they could care less. "I'm sorry Mrs. M, that's our policy." FUCK your policy.

So, after that little rant, how about some cuteness for this Friday afternoon...



Playing dress-up with Auntie E

3 Words

INSURANCE. COMPANIES. SUCK.

Wordless Wednesday

Like mommy, like baby...








PS. Thanks to Auntie Ellen for keeping her accessorized while I'm at work ( :

Happy 5 Month Birthday Claire Elizabeth!

Happy 5 month birthday Claire Elizabeth! This time 5 months ago I was anxiously awaiting your arrival. I couldn't wait to see your beautiful face—the face I had been dreaming about for 8 long months. My heart melted when I felt your tiny fingers wrapped around mine. You were a miracle the day you were conceived and a miracle the day you were born. You were beautiful. You were prefect. You were mine. You are a little fighter and have beaten the many, many odds that were stacked against you when you blessed us 7 weeks early. You sure have come a long way from the 2 pound 12 ounce tiny treasure that came into this world on April 22, 2008. You are a normal, happy, healthy little girl, whose smile can make even the darkest day bright. I love you more than words can explain.

Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for allowing me the honor of raising you, loving you, and being your Mommy. There is not a greater gift in this world.

Happy 5 month Birthday to you….

Love, Mommy

Parents As Teachers Visit #1

Last night was our first Parents as Teachers visit. I’m not too sure how I feel about this whole idea of a person trained in early education coming into your home, for one hour—once a month or so, and observing your child to make sure that they are developing on track. The lady was nice enough, although we were her fifth family she’s worked with so I’m not sure how much experience she’s had in this particular role. I filled her in on Claire’s history and let her know that her adjusted age is that of a 3 month old even though she is actually almost 5 months old. So, we laid her on the floor and she was seeing if she tracked an object—which she did, then seeing if she reached and grabbed for a toy—again she did, could she kick an object and make it roll—check, roll over—check, stand up—check. She asked if we read to her, took her on walks, played patty-cake, etc, we did. Then she shook a little film canister filled with rice next to her head and Claire didn’t look in that direction. She had me to it next to her head—she didn’t look. But the whole time she was smiling and cooing at the new face in the room and totally NOT interested in the quiet noise next to her head. The lady told us that she was concerned that Claire couldn’t hear…WHAT??? Are you kidding me???? The whole time she was there and we were interacting with her—talking to her…she “talked” back, singing to her…she stares and us and smiles. Are you seriously going to tell me that my baby can’t hear???? So, she leaves us with some paperwork on the “Child that Can’t Hear” and tells us to follow up with our pediatrician!!!! So, I of course freak out and try to “test” her all night calling her name and seeing if she responds. Nope. I become an overreacting concerned panicked parent. Ryan assures me that she can hear, and we put her to bed. I clench my teeth all night in my sleep, worried that she can’t hear, wake up with terrible headache. Meanwhile my little Angel sleeps from 8pm-5am (YEAH CLAIRE!!) and after she ate Ryan put her in bed with me… and I “test” her again before I put the dreaded call into Dr. Q. The room was quiet and dark…Claire was laying next to me kicking away…I whisper “Claire” and of course…SHE TURNED! I knew she could hear, but I was panicking nonetheless. She is just one busy little girl who wasn’t interested in the little rice canister next to her at that point and time. I will, however, bring this up to Dr. Q at her 6 month check-up next month.

On another note, her reflux is a little better, not under control yet. We have upped her Prevacid to 2ml 2x/day (which they say it the max dose), and have seen some improvement. It is still a fight at pretty much every bottle, but not as MUCH of a fight. That is improvement in our eyes. There is the occasional **perfect** bottle (my mom has them more than Ryan or I do) and her night bottle is always a no-fighter, but when she hurts she hurts, and we all know when that is. Poor little baby.

And of course some cuteness for this Friday morning…

Ryan and Claire after the Parents as Teachers meeting...


Playing on the floor with her bunny...


I could kiss this face forever...


Happy Friday Ladies...have a fantastic weekend!

Wordless Wednesday

I LOVE MY DADDY...

The sun through the clouds, the light at the end of the tunnel, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...

I feel like I am constantly blogging about the negative things in my life and with Claire's feeding problems. I actually have a darn good life, a wonderful, loving, supportive hubby and my little baby girl is pretty darn awesome, amazing, beautiful, funny, sweet, loving, cuddly, happy, curious, strong, peaceful...I could go on and on. I also have the most amazing husband and great parents and a wonderful sister. I have the most supportive group of friends and extended family that I could ask for. We have a nice house, new safe reliable cars, good jobs, great health insurance, good health, food on the table (albeit maybe TOO much), nice clean clothes, and of course all the extras that go along with living a comfortable lifestyle. I am very grateful for everything that I have and God has blessed me with. Ryan and I have made a beautiful perfect family and it's exactly what I always hoped, wished, dreamed, and prayed for. So, some things that make me smile, because I need a smile today and to be reminded how blessed I really am...

The smell of Claire after a bath
The smile on her face before she opens her eyes when I sing to her in the morning
Her laugh...it's contagious
The way she holds onto my shirt or bra strap when she nurses
The way she kneads my breast when she nurses
Her laughs, splashes, and kicks in the bathtub
The way she "talks" with her binky in when she's falling asleep
Her legs straight up in the air when she plays
Snuggles on the couch
Weekend mornings in bed with her and Ryan
Playing peek-a-boo and watching her light up when we uncover our faces
Kissing her cheeks
Her excitement when I come home from work and scoop her up from Ryan
Watching her sleep
Her open mouthed kisses
Smiles when she nurses
Rocking her as she stares up at me
Her big beautiful eyes
Her soft dark curls
Her gummy smile
Her perfect nose
Her daddy's mouth
The pink lint in the dryer vent
The toys scattered on the living room floor
The sound of her lullaby CD at night
Bottles in the sink
Binkys in every room, every car, everywhere
Diaper bags that need to be packed
Tiny sleepers, raggies, and bibs that need to be folded
Milk drips on the coffee table
Night time feedings, when it's dark, quiet, silent, and still...just me and my baby

My miracle, my Angel, my Claire Elizabeth...

We've Got A Roller!!!

Claire has mastered the skill of rolling over from her tummy to her back. Saturday evening we went to dinner with some friends then over to their house so the kids could "play"...as much as Claire can play with an almost 2 year old anyways. When we got home I gave Claire a bath and put her in her crib for some tummy time and no sooner had I propped her up on her arms, she flipped!!! She looked terrified so I made a huge deal of clapping and of course showering her in kisses. I called Ryan in to see her new trick and she did it again! Needless to say we are very proud of her and she has been doing nothing BUT turning over since then.

Getting ready...


She DID IT!!!!


On the reflux side...no real improvement. Maybe 25% better...but that is still fighting every single bottle. We tried to split up the feedings...3 oz first, then a half hour later the other 2.5, and that makes it better, but still fighting pretty hard. I am going to give it another day or so and see if things get better, then call Dr. B and see if we can tweak these medicines to give her some relief.

Doctor Visit and NICU Visit

We had an appointment yesterday with the specialist (Dr. B) at 11:45. I called Claire's pediatrician (Dr. Q) on Wednesday and told them that we couldn't wait any longer, she was taking 1-2 ounces at a time and then refusing the bottle. She wouldn't even nurse...and that broke my heart. So Dr. Q called the Dr, B and we were squeezed in yesterday. We had to wait an hour and a half because Dr. B was in the PICU for an emergency procedure, and I understand that, but Claire was hungry and crying when I was trying to feed her and I was frustrated and embarrassed and just wanted her to be seen so we could leave. We were finally seen and I explained her problems and behavior and Dr. B and the nurse practitioner told me that she was a "classic reflux baby". Great, we already knew that. They upped her Prevacid and put her on another medicine to coat her espohogus and heal the abrasions that were causing her the discomfort. She said that the 2 ounce mark is so common for babies, because the hunger pain is gone, and they stop eating. They also told me that Claire's love for her binky and fingers is somewhat reflux related because it is soothing to them to suck and swallow--which is ALSO why she gets the hiccups so much. So many things answered. SO, they told me that with the medication adjustments and the new one added, that we should see a huge difference by Sunday. Dr. Q's office even called later in the afternoon to see how her appt went....I love that Dr's office ( : Other good news, she weighs 12.6 pounds, up a pound in 3 weeks...amazing with all she's going through, she still puts on weight...the power of breast milk!

Dr. B's office is at the hospital that Claire was born at, so we strolled down to the NICU to see if any of her nurses were there...and our very favorite one was!! Bonnie was AMAZING during our 27 day stay and truly loved and cared for our Claire. She seen me and her face lit up and she ran over to hug me and see Claire. She didn't even recognize her...she has tripled her weight since we left the NICU in May, and looks quite a bit different. Claire was a little charmer, smiling and sucking on her fingers the whole time.

Claire and Nurse Bonnie


Snoozing in her boppy

Wordless Wednesday

Reflux is the Devil

It really is. Why does it haunt my poor little baby. The past 2 weeks have been hell again...fighting the bottle and hour + feedings. Ryan and I are stressed to no end, frustrated, worried, scared, I could go on and on. I feel so helpless. Her meds aren't working and she's miserable. Ryan and I argue about who is going to feed her, because neither of us want to. It's a stressful, teary, exhausting event. Claire wears herself out fighting. We wear ourselves out fighting. It's a lose-lose situation. I hate that we do this to her, I question why God does this to her. Hasn't she suffered enough?

We went to the pediatrician this morning and Claire is taking the maximum does of Previcid, but she told us to up it by another .2 until we can get into the specialist. We were referred to a Pediatric Gastroenterolgist, and the earliest they can get us in is September 22. They told me to call back on Thursday and see if they have any cancellations, and they will try to squeeze her in, but no promises. So for the next 2 weeks we will wait, and pray that things get better. Please pray for my Claire Elizabeth, she doesn't deserve this...

How pathetic are these...it breaks my heart just looking at them

My Baptized Baby

Claire was baptized into the Catholic Church this weekend...and she was an absolute Angel the entire time. She looked around in the beginning, sucking on her fingers, then fell asleep during the actual baptism part. Ryan and I chose my sister as her Godmother and Ryan's best friend, Ryan, as the Godfather. We had everyone over to my mom and dad's house afterwards for dinner and drinks...it was a great evening. BUT, the oil that they use during the baptism is very strong, and we have tried everything to get it out of Claire's hair!! We've washed it several times and used lemon juice, still there. It's all over her bed, our bed, the couch, her bouncy chair, swing, car seat, everything she touches had the faint odor of her baptism. I guess it could be worse, but if anyone has any ideas to get this smell out (other than letting it wear off), please advise!!!


Claire with Mommy and Daddy


My sister, her Godmother, and Ryan's best friend, Ryan, her Godfather


Claire with Deacon Dave

Party At Our Crib

Claire's Crib to be exact! Seems as though it's party time somewhere between the hours of 3-5am. This kind of party is the party of the kicking, babbling, smiling kind. My little Angel baby seems to wake up, kick and kick and kick until she's turned herself around in her crib, and amuse herself with her hands for about 15 minutes until she calls Mommy and Daddy to join the party...which means she's ready for refreshments, mostly milk these days. And last week I guess she was in the dancing mood, because she succeeded in kicking her music light show toy that's attached to her crib and turning it on at 3am!!! I mean, I guess when you're in the mood to party nothing will stop you...not even a big bed, darkened room, the fact that you're all alone, and that it's 3 in the morning!

Before the party...or could be after the party...sleeping like an Angel!

Not So Wordless Wednesday

I am alive. Last Wednesday I started feeling kinda crappy, and by Thursday I knew I had it...the dreaded...the never ending...Strep Throat. I get it all the time. Two years ago I had it so bad that they wanted to hospitalize me and take out my tonsils immediately...I objected and took 5 rounds of mega antibiotics until it FINALLY cleared up. I went two years strep free--which I prayed my entire winter pregnancy that I would not get it--only to come down with it last week. I had to work, I have been so busy it's not even funny, so I ran to the Dr. Friday at lunch, got a Z-Pack, and was feeling like myself again by Sunday morning.

Sunday afternoon I took Claire to get her Baptism pictures taken, which turned out darling!!! I tried a new studio and was very happy with them. The lady was really good with Claire and had her smiling and coo-ing, but when it came time to order, she was pretty pushy. I only needed one pose--since we get her pictures done monthly--and the lady kept telling me that once I leave that the pictures will be gone forever because they delete them from the card and I will NEVER get the chance to re-order. I almost caved in and got a few more that I didn't need, but stayed strong and only got the one pose. I know I shouldn't share yet, but I can't help it...



I know, we are so blessed with our little innocent Angel baby!

Sunday night Ryan and I had a date night...it was so nice! I kept telling myself that that night, I was a wife, not a mommy. It's hard to take yourself out of the "Mommy role" and only be a wife for the night. We had a great time, I had a few margaritas and later in the night a few friends came up and had a drink with us. It was just like it was before we had Claire...we were just Ryan and Sarah, not Mommy and Daddy...only for the evening. But when I got home I couldn't help but sneak into her room for a few kisses before bed. Monday I felt pretty crappy again--self inflicted this time-- and pretty much laid around, got some laundry and housework done in-between naps and snuggles on the couch.

This week I'm busy getting the last minute things ready for her Baptism and party on Saturday. I had to get her dress cleaned and pressed after her pictures...she drools like crazy and there were lines of drool down the front of the dress. I had to choose and order the food and still have to order the cake. I have to get to the store and get soda, water, and liquor for the party afterwards, and help my mom get her house ready for the party. We were going to do it at our house, but after the water in the basement incident, the house is pretty much still a wreck and with the monsoon rains they are calling for from the hurricane, we can't count on using the patio to host the 30 people that will be there. So my mom graciously offered her house to us. She's a great mom!

And some good news....the week is half way over!!!