My sweet Connor Joseph,
Welcome to the world my sweet baby boy!
Thursday, August 11, 2011.
Daddy and I took Sissy to eat dinner at McDonalds, her pick. We went home and packed her bag for "5 sleeps" and went to Ci Ci and Pa Pa's house to drop her off. I held back tears and I watched my first baby, my daughter, play as as only child for the last time. We hugged and kissed and cuddled her a little more that night.
We got home and I showered and paced the house. Checked my hospital bag over and over. Rubbed my belly and gazed at myself in the mirror. Bittersweet thoughts racing through my mind. The excitement of meeting you in the morning, and the last night that I would go to bed with a beautiful swollen belly. I slept maybe 2 hours that night.
Friday, August 12, 2011.
4:30 a.m. Alarm went off. I was already awake. So was Daddy.
5:30 a.m. Arrived at St. John's. It was cool out, I remember saying that I should have worn a sweater. I held Daddy's hand tight as we made our way down the quiet hallway to the green elevators. 2nd Floor. Labor and Delivery. They were waiting for us. We took my last belly picture. 38 weeks 5 days.
Bracelets were put on my wrist and an IV was started. They put the monitors on my belly to monitor your heart. It was strong and perfect. I closed my eyes and listened to the steady rhythm of the beats. I was having contractions. Daddy could see them on the paper and I could feel them. I was nervous. My blood pressure was high.
6:00-7:00 a.m. We waited. And listened. And prayed.
7:00 a.m. Ci Ci and Pa Pa brought Sis up to see me. My blood pressure dropped. I smiled through tears - tears I didn't want her to see. She was shy and wanted me to hold her. She clutched "Butterfly" her baby. I took her and buried my head in her soft blonde locks. She was wearing her Big Sister shirt. I am tearing up writing this. I was so proud of her. And so scared of all the "what if's" that could happen during surgery. I was terrified. So scared of leaving her without me. We took a picture as our family of three.
Anesthesia came in. Doctors came in. Nurses. The room was chaotic. They were taking me down to the OR. I got one last hug and kiss and a million "I LOVE YOU's" until I knew for sure she couldn't hear me anymore. Daddy put on scrubs. It was time.
7:25 a.m. They wheeled me down to the OR. It was bright and cold. I was shaking.
Daddy was in the hallway and I was so scared. They started my spinal. Then the epidural. They laid me down and put the screen up. Where is Ryan?? I need him here. I am so scared. What if it's a repeat of last time? He's here. Holding my hand tight. All I can see is his eyes behind his glasses and they look scared. I stare up at the round, bright light above me. It's less than 5 minutes and they tell Daddy to get the camera ready? WHAT? I'm about to meet my baby boy - hear that cry i've been waiting years to hear.
7:52 a.m Connor Joseph is sent from Heaven
Your cry is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.
Hot tears stream down my cheeks. I send Daddy over to take hundreds of pictures. We missed out on so much last time. I could watch everything from the table. I couldn't stop the tears. You screamed the entire time they finished my surgery - and it was pure joy to my ears.
Daddy cut your cord. They wrapped you up and brought you to meet me, face to face, for the first time.
My eyes were frantically taking your angelic face in. Your eyes, nose, cheeks, lips, chin, and that hair!! You were perfect.
Recovery room. I was able to hold and kiss and love on your for an hour.
I wanted to nurse you immediatley. The Nurses told me to wait a little bit - your heartrate was a little high. You were making noises. A phone call was made and within 2 minutes NICU was at my bedside. They took you from me. I choked back tears. NO - this could NOT happen again. They listened to your heart for a long time...terror running through my veins. The Dr. smiled and handed you back to me. You were fine. Perfect. Healthy. Just recovering from birth as well. Prayers were answered.
The best time came a few hours later when I was able to enjoy this
Nothing could beat this. This is the feeling of overflowing love.
Happy Three Week Birthday Little Brother!